THE HURTFUL SYMBOL OF THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS

Two nights ago, I enjoyed a couple of cool libations with a good friend whose lineage is clearly Scandinavian.  With blonde hair and blue eyes, he looks every bit as Norwegian as his name suggests.  For the purposes of this article, my friend shall be called "Thor."

As a teenager, Thor traveled from Illinois to Norway to spend vacations working on his relatives' farm.  He well remembers the long, beautiful summer days, when his work was done and he was able to hike to the shore and gaze in fascination at the majestic fiords which bounded his family's land.

During the time that Thor spent in the "old country," he assiduously studied Norwegian culture, including literature, art and music.  Thus, he emerged from his summer idyll with a renewed appreciation of his family's Norwegian heritage. It is absolutely true that once you get Thor musing about the composer Edvard Grieg, the film producer Arne Skonen, the playwright Henrik Ibsen and the artist Edvard Munch, he will literally talk the night away.  However, in the middle of my last visit with Thor, I noticed large tears welling up in his eyes.  "Thor, Thor," I cried, "are you all right?"  And it was then that Thor began to share the profound hurt that dwelt deep within his soul.

THOR'S NIECES AND NEPHEWS MARCH IN VILLAGE PARADE

Wiping his tears, Thor began to tell me of the pain that stereotypes of violent Vikings had caused him nearly all of his adult life.  Pathetically, he spoke from his heart, that his people had never raided lands to the south of Scandinavia, had never raped nuns, slaughtered clerics and sacked churches and monasteries.  All such notions had caused profound emotional and psychological damage for my dear friend.  Trying to empathize with Thor, I encouraged him to purge himself of the hateful stereotypes.

As Thor continued his story, it was clear that he felt an especial distress with certain logos and team monikers used in the world of professional sports.  In fact, this distress had inflicted such damage upon his psyche that he is now unable to take pleasure in American
football, mostly owing to the image portrayed by the professional team based in Minneapolis, the Minnesota Vikings.  Despite years of counseling, Thor revealed to me that the pain has never been mitigated.

THOR'S FAMILY'S NORWEGIAN FARM

Oh, dear readers, it is high time that Thor is relieved of that which vexes him!.  And now, in this gentle age of multiculturalism and political correctness, I can say that the time is right. Thor and all Norwegian-Americans deserve much better than the Minnesota Vikings.  Just like the editors of THE NEW REPUBLIC and THE WASHINGTON POST, who have decided to take a stand in behalf of Native Americans who might be offended by a team known as Redskins, I now rise up and swear to God almighty, that henceforth and forever and in an effort to support my dear friend, in all articles emanating from Two for Texas and America, the professional football team in Minneapolis will never, ever again be referred to as Vikings.  So, help me God!