TEA PARTY OVERWHELMS Healthcare.Gov AND CALL-CENTERS!
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| MADAME SECRETARY AT NEWS CONFERENCE |
Coming on the heels of her less than satisfactory performance before the House Energy and Commerce Committee and with plunging public approval numbers for the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, Secretary Kathleen "Ice Queen Katy" Sibelius was visibly elated yesterday, when she announced at a news conference at the Department of Health and Human Services that she possessed incontrovertible proof that the Obamacare website had been sabotaged by Tea Party operatives.
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| UNCLE JOE CAUGHT EM RED-HANDED! |
When questioned at length by representatives of the media, Mrs. Sibelius pointed to the work of the vice president, Joseph "Uncle Joe" Biden, who had apparently expanded his responsibilities in the administration to include that of super-sleuth. Uncle Joe, with the assistance of undercover agents from the Department of Justice, was able to infiltrate the ranks of the Tea Party.
Biden, always giving credit where credit is due, cited the keen historical mind of Representative Charles "Bookworm Charlie" Rangel, who knew all along that Tea Party geeks had actively pounded their mother boards during the 1930's, in a failed attempt to undermine the Social Security Act. Representative Rangel declared before a cheering crowd in an overflowing hall in Harlem, "It was fairly simple for me to make the connection. After all, I knew that not a single Republican had voted for the Social Security Act and that they all shared those same white sheets during the 1930's with the stingy, rich and racist Tea-Partiers. Furthermore, it is well know that a sizable proportion of the Tea Party members conveniently happen to be white, racist and wealthy geeks."
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| BOOKWORM CHARLIE BASKS IN NEWLY-FOUND FAME |
When confronted about Mrs. Sibelius's recent revelations, national Tea Party leaders Amy Kremer and Howard Kaloogian were quick to "fess up." Ms. Kremer, surrounded by screaming representatives of various media outlets who caught up with her on Peachtree St. in her hometown of Atlanta, tearfully admitted, "Ice Queen Katy, Uncle Joe and Bookworm Charlie have got us dead to rights. It is indeed true that we employed our geek members to crush healthcare.gov. But even our best Tea Party geek minds could not save us from the brilliant work of Secretary Sibelius, Vice-President Biden and Representative Rangel. In short, that brilliant trio nailed us." Ms. Kremer also divulged that literally thousands of Tea Party geeks had constantly hacked away since early August from offshore technical installations funded by various Tea Party-linked foundations.
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| CARNEY REFLECTS ON TEA PARTY PLOT |
Mr. Kaloogian, when pressed on the matter, divulged that Tea Party strategy had also consisted of overwhelming Obamacare call-centers with phone-banks run by thousands of Tea Party members making round-the-clock calls to the Obamacare 800 numbers. Kaloogian, making a clean breast of his involvement in the fiasco, affirmed his regret, saying, "I am truly sorry for my part in this gigantic effort to subvert our American democracy. May all those unfortunate folks, Obamaphoners, Medicaiders and food-stampers, who needed health insurance from the exchanges please accept my humble apology."
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| ONE OF THE OFFSHORE TEA PARTY GEEK CENTERS |
When queried about the Tea Party plot, Press Secretary Jay Carney noted that, "President Obama has nothing to say about this dastardly racist plot; but, if our president had a son, we are confident that he would NOT look like a white, racist Tea Party geek!"
In the meantime, dear readers, please be assured of the commitment of Two for Texas to continue to keep you fully informed of any breaking developments stemming from this remarkable story of high-level deception and intrigue.
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| YET TO BE LEARNED: DID THESE WELL-KNOWN WHITE GEEKS TAKE PART IN TEA PARTY PLOT? |
A thought for today: To err is human; but, to really screw up, you need a computer!
Deo vindice!
God bless Texas, and may the Lone Star State remain forever red!
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